i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
