i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
