like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
