I wish I could teleport
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
