i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
