I think my fart just growled at me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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