This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I love you. Go after that dick
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
