who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
