She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
