i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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