My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
