At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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