Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
