I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
