I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
