I want to make a zoo with you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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