I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
