I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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