Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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