Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
