I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
