why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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