bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
