I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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