i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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