cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
FUCK WHALES
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
