i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
