I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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