you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
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