I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
