Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i think my mom watched the whole time
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
