My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
