If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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