i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
