Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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