It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
