First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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