Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
