im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
