my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
