Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
