I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
