i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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