I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
