Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
