When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
