when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
