i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
