Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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