The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
