Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
