____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sober January is a disaster.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
NoShamevember. You game?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
