the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
